El Donaldo's Deportation Force

Pobrecito El Donaldo! He's been flip-flopping on his immigration policy like a freshly hooked tuna plopped on the deck of a fishing boat. First he was hard: "Everybody has to go back to Mexico! Mothers, fathers, kids, even their undocumented pets." Then came the softening: "Well, let's just send back the bad ones (Juans?) along with their nasty, nippy, yappy Chihuahuas."

In between his episodes of hardening and softening, it wasn't clear if Trump needed a coherent immigration policy or some Viagra. However, the idea of a deportation force has remained "firm".

Note to Trump:: If your immigration policy remains firm for more than four hours, see your physician.

"We'll have a deportation force," he insists. "But it will be humane. We'll do it in a nice way."

Hm-m-m-m, I wonder what the recruiting poster would look like? I envision President Trump dressed like Uncle Sam pointing a small, gnarly orange finger and declaring: I Want You!

The poster might read something like...

There Are Over 11 Million Reasons to Join

 

EL DONALDO'S DEPORTATION FORCE

 

It's Not Forced Deportation

It's Removal Through Friendly Persuasion

 

 

The humane, nice approach will include new uniforms. Rather than the frightening, intimidating, militaristic uniforms of La Migra, the male Deportation Force officers will be dressed like Mr. Rogers wearing casual slacks, cardigan sweaters, and comfy house slippers. Their female counterparts will be outfitted like Donna Reed; pearls, high-heels and a tasteful dress.

Of course they will be bilingual. However, they won't be able to roll their R's; they'll pronounce the L's in tortilla and a hard J in frijoles.

 

Instead of descending on the undocumented like a SWAT team, the Deportation Force will employ friendly persuasion tactics. First, a mariachi band will be positioned outside a suspected undocumented hideout. If the music doesn't lure them out immediately, a "Mr. Rogers" agent will approach the front door, knock gently and say in a soothing, reassuring voice: "Hola neighbor. Would you like a free taco?"
 

Well, what self-respecting Mexican can resist mariachi music and the offer of a FREE TACO?

 

Once outside, the unsuspecting undocumented will be carefully bound with velvet ropes and gagged with a large tamale and tossed in a van headed for the border. Upon arrival, the "Donna Reed" agent will hand the reluctant returning immigrant a sack lunch, give them a warm hug, smile and say: "Tenga un buen dia. Don't come back until fruit picking season."


Trump Fun Facts:

Trump's Hands

 

With a tip of the hat to Johnny Carson:

 

"Donald Trump's hands are so-o-o small..."

 

"How small are they?"

 

They are so small...

 

• He can't palm a ping-pong ball

 

• Needs a two-hand grip to hold a lollipop stick

 

• Can comfortably wash both hands in a thimble full of water

 

’ The gear shift knob on his sports car is an M&M

 

• Practices falconry with a humming bird

 

• Uses a push broom to move a chess piece

across the board