The Two Chirping Chicanas and I

Movie Review: No manches Frida

Director: Nacho G. Valilla

Screenplay: Laurence Rosenthal, Claudio Herrera, Sergio Adrian Sanchez

Stars: Omar Chapparo, Martha Higareda, Monica Dionne

Country: Mexico

Language: Spanish with English subtitles

I love Netflix and Hulu. Whenever I watch a movie on my huge, flat-screen, HD TV, I recreate the art house, cinema experience by drawing the drapes and turning off the lights. Bergman (ingmar, not Ingrid) observed that sitting in a darkened movie theater, watching the flickering images on the screen while suspending disbelief for a couple of hours is the closest conscious experience to the sleeping dream-state.

So, the other day, I got out of my recliner, temporarily terminated my binge watching of La reina del sur on Netflix, and headed for the Santikos Mayan Palace cineplex to see No manches Frida.

Initially, I was the only person attending the Tuesday, 2:10 PM matinee. But just before the movie started, two Chicana ladies sat a few rows behind me and began chirping away in Spanish. My first thought was, “Oh no, my conscious dream-state movie experience is going to have non-stop play-by-play commentary in Spanish.”

Flashback...

Years ago, I went to a matinee screening of Like Water for Chocolate. Seated behind me were two Latina ladies chatting in Spanish. One of them had obviously already seen the film and was prompting the other lady on what to expect as a scene unfolded. Just before one particularly “revealing” scene, she whispered, “Este es la parte en que ella salta de la ducha desnuda y se sube en su caballo y aleja como una loca.”

Fortunately, as the opening credits rolled and No manches Frida began, the pitter-patter subsided and the two chirping Chicanas and I sat quietly, respectfully, our cell phones turned off and enjoyed the show.

No manches Frida is a very well-crafted, well-acted comedy that artfully combines the classic fish-out-of-water and unconventional, inspirational teacher v. unruly classroom motifs. We've seen variations of this popular theme in films like Goodbye, Mr. Chips, To Sir, with Love and Stand and Deliver. Not to mention popular TV shows like Welcome Back, Kotter and Room 222.

The basic plot: A thief recently released from prison named Sequi, (Omar Chapparo) tries to recover stolen money his ditzy girlfriend buried for him. Problem is, she buried the loot on the campus of a school named after the famous Mexican artist, Frida Kahlo. During his imprisonment, a gymnasium was built over the burial site.

Sequi scams a job as a substitute teacher in order to access the gymnasium and dig up his ill-gotten pesos. However, as the story progresses, Sequi finds himself crossing the threshold over from greedy thief to caring teacher.

Under the capable direction of Nacho G. Valilla, No manches Frida reminds me of classic Hollywood screwball comedies with its rapid-fire dialog, repartee, and sexual double entendres. The screenwriters also make good use of that most uniquely, versatile and eloquent Mexican word: CHINGAR.

Noted Mexican linguist, Pilar Montes de Oca, catalogs in her scholarly, must-read book El Chinganario, over 180 colorful and commonly spoken phrases spiced with every conceivable variation of “chingar.” I know for a fact there are at least 180 because I grew up hearing my abuela Juanita employ them on a daily basis. The characters in No manches Frida use them to great comedic effect. The two chirping Chicanas and I laughed hysterically whenever they were uttered. The bespectacled, bookish, school marm, Lucy, (Martha Higareda) rattles off a couple of good ones with girlish glee.

All three principle actors give first rate performances.

• Omar Chapparo is engaging as Sequi, the street-wise ladron who cons his way into the school then finds himself emotionally and romantically drawn into the world of a substitute teacher.

• Martha Higareda is a charming and vulnerable presence as Lucy, the earnest, do-gooder teacher who is instantly attracted to bad boy Sequi and his off-beat teaching methods.

• Monica Dionne does a nice turn as Miss Gaby, the tough as nails school administrator with a heart of gold.

Director Valilla's No manches Frida is a fast-paced, raucous, often raunchy comedy filled with laughs, slapstick humor, great music and highly likable characters. At its heart though, No manches Frida is a story of transformation and redemption. In his quest to recover buried treasure, Sequi discovers inner personal “treasures” that money...stolen or otherwise...can't buy.

No manches Frida is a thoroughly fun-filled narrative ride. I can report unequivocally that the two chirping Chicanas and I give No manches Frida:

¡DOS PULGARES ARRIBA!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deplorable Gestures Start Wars

Donald Trump said recently: “Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats and they make gestures at our people they should not be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water.”

The liberal media naturally wet their collective calzones calling Trump's statement reckless, irresponsible and war-mongering, not to mention his usual tortured, hyperbolic syntax.

Well, that's a little harsh. Actually, the Trumpkin Pumpkin is on fairly firm historical footing here. El Donaldo tiene razôn.

Some examples:

• When Montezuma held his nose and made a scrunchy face when he initially met Hernan Cortez because of the Spaniards odious body odor: ¡Hijole! ¡Este tipo realmente apesta! Me da tanto azco! Well, you know the rest.

• In 1846, when Mexican local, Chuy Mendoza, stuck his tongue out at a drunk gringo in a San Antonio cantina, the Mexican-American War erupted with gusto the following day.

• World War II began after a Japanese fisherman mooned Admiral Chester Nimitz while the US naval commander was on the deck of an aircraft carrier hitting golf balls into the Pacific Ocean.

So let's not jump to conclusions when Trump speaks just because the majority of things coming out of his crooked, thin-lipped, little mouth...es pura mierda!

And what was that “our beautiful destroyers” comment about? Is The Donald intending to create a Battleship Beauty Pageant in one of his swank, glitzy, deep in hock to China hotels?

“And the winner is...Miss USS Missouri.”

Trump is also visiting Flint, Michigan. Flint citizens are still suffering from a prolonged, toxic water pollution crisis. I guess Trump is going there to unload cases of his unsold Trump Water/ Do them a favor,compadre, toss in a few of those unsold Trump Steaks and Trump Vodka.

Meanwhile, Hillary is recuperating from pneumonia with some much needed rest and a nice, hot bowl of sopa de res.

“Tome una tortilla de maiz mijita. Hazte un taquito con la carne/”

¿Azul Tejas?

There ain't no place in America like Texas pardner. Or to be more linguistically suited for San Antonio: No hay ningun lugar iqual como Tejas amigo.      Everything about Texas is BIG; hair, ten gallon hats, ranches,  burgers, burritos, chimichangas, egos, and cities. Texas is not a melting pot, rather it's a glorious bowl of menudo filled with different ethnic groups, cultures, politics and values. It's also changing. This once bright red state is slowly, but surely, turning blue. Texas has always been a fairly conservative state, but its also always had a strong undercurrent of progressive thought. Just go to Austin. I did. I lived and worked there for ten years. The city's motto is Keep Austin Weird. With its tolerant, laid-back ambience, Austin is a mecca for artists, musicians, free-thinkers, alternative health and has a thriving gay and lesbian community. Austin looks and feels more like Berkeley than Brownsville.   The most ethnically / racially diverse city in America is not New York, Chicago, Los Angeles or Miami; it's Houston.  Cities like Austin, Dallas and Houston are increasingly attracting high-tech industries from the East and West Coast.     Besides, a state that produced Janis Joplin, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Barbara Jordan, LBJ, Selena, Flaco Jimenez and Molly Ivins can't be all bad.   But all the signs Texas is turning blue are all there. Here are just a few. Dallas Morning News Endorse Hillary for President This very conservative, Republican newspaper hadn't endorsed a Democrat for president since Andrew Jackson. Back then, the editorial board wrote: "We have reservations about Old Hickory's Indian removal and relocation policy, but we think he'll look great on the twenty dollar bill. Just get a haircut!" Castro Brothers Energize Latino Voter Turnout The Castro Brothers (the Mexicans, Julian and Joaquin, not those pedos viejos tristes commie Cubans, Fidel and Raul) have been inspiring and working to get out the sleeping giant Hispanic vote in Texas. Both of these guapo, rising rock stars in the Democratic  party are candidates to head the DNC. Why not both brothers at the same time? They are identical twins. Who'd know the difference?  Opposition to Racist Mexican-American History Textbook This textbook has been widely condemned by Hispanic commjnity leaders for its insulting, derogatory and stereotypical depiction of Mexican-Americans as "lazy" and "prone to drink on the job." Well, someday we'll get this whole Alamo myth right. Sorry Davy Crockett. You were not liberating Texas. You were trespassing.  Register to Vote at Your Local Corner Taco Truck This is actually happening all over Texas. "I'll have three tacos con carne asada, cilantro y cebolla and a voter regirstraion form to go please."   Campaign Droppings  Let's Pillory Hillary Again... A basket of deplorables? Sounds like sometrhing you have the FTD florists deliver to your ex- after a nasty, bitter break-up.        "Oh, a basket of deplorables! My favorites; thistles, poison sumac,  stink weed and cockle bur. How perfectly thoughtless you bastard!”        Hillary's comments were, of course, spot on regarding a certain segment of Trump supporters. She was trying to appeal to those few reasonable, moderate Republicants who find Trump deplorable.  Don't Want to Talk About It... I love the way Trump is backing off his birther conspiracy theory: "I'm not talking about that anymore. I've moved on to talking about basket weaving jobs for my deplorables.         How convenient...        "Mr. Hitler, what about all those Jews you shot, baked, fried and gassed?"       "Oh, I'm not talking about that anymore. I've moved on to talking about my peeps building VW bugs and buses for hippies."

A Taco in Every Pot

As the Great Depression loomed on the American horizon, Herbert Hoover's presidential campaign slogan was: "A chicken in every pot, a car in every garage."

Didn't quite work out that way. Not only was a chicken missing from every pot, most people didn't even have a pot to pee in. The only thing in empty car garages were crickets chirping.

Last week,, Marco Guitierrez, the founder of Latinos for Trump (oxymoron?) sounded a similar note when he warned if we didn't get immigration under control, there would be "a taco truck on every corner." Gee Marco, you make it sound like a bad thing. It's already a reality here in Texas and no one is complaining.

There's nothing more ubiquitous on the modern American landscape than the taco: soft tacos, crispy tacos, beef, fish, bean, veggie tacos, breakfast tacos, lunch tacos, dinner tacos, midnight snack tacos. When I lived in McAllen, Texas in the Rio Gande Valley, there were taco concessions in the gas stations! There are in fact already taco trucks on every corner. So what is Gutierrez talking about?

There could be a coded message in the filling of that little taquito he tossed out about a taco truck on every corner...Aztlan. Gutierrez is promoting the fear of Hispanics, especially Mexicans, populating and taking over all of North America and re-creating the mythical origin of the Aztecs, Aztlan. Kind of hard to imagine Aztec temples and pyramids popping up in Des Moines, Iowa, Poughkeepsie, New York or Altoona, Pennsylvania. But a taco truck on every corner, that's a dog whistle that conjures up a scary visual.

Thank God Trump went down Mexico way and had a mano a mano confrontation with Mexican President Peña Nieto to lay down the law on this immigration problem. But at first, it was not clear why Trump was going down there on such short notice. Rumor had it he was either crossing the border to score some dope, work on his tan or get a tattoo in Tijuana.

Okay, I confess...I started those rumors.

They had a private meeting, so who really knows what went on. I have an idea.

Trump is the ultimate Wrestle Mania candidate; trash-talking, bragging, insulting, self-promoter. But since he was a visitor and guest in Mexico, I think he agreed to go Lucha Libre-style against Peña Nieto. So they both donned appropriate costumes. Trump became Trumpkin the Pumpkin and Peña Nieto became Mucho Macho Man. After a wrestling match filled with headlocks, armlocks, dredlocks, Goldilocks, noogies on the forehead, nipple pinching and twisting, (Ouch! that hurt just writing it), throwing each other against the ropes, and a few body slams, they quit and showered. Whether they showered together or separately...quen sabe. Afterwards, they held that overly polite, boring, yawn inducing press conference for the cameras.

Trump: "Enrique, can I call you Hank? Hank, you're one tough, hard homre. You Mexicans are great people. I love all of you, believe me.

Peña Nieto: “Gracias por nada cabron. You're very soft."

Trump: “I extend my teeny, tiny hand to you and call you amigo, compadre, compañero, hermanito. Mexico and America are friends. Oh, by the way, this suit I'm wearing was made here in Mexico, but when I become president, they will be made in America...by Mexicans. Sorry Hank."

Peña Nieto: "No importa. Y por la ûtima vez, Mexico nunca pagará pur su maldito pared.”

Trump: "Fine. You people can just go back to selling t-shirts to tourists."

Or selling tacos on every corner in Aztlan USA?

Well, if Gutierrez's nightmare scenario of a takeover by Hispanics of the United States is realized, I guess those future Aztlan USA politicians running for office will be promising "a taco in every pot."